I haven’t the heart to tell you…

I’ve sat down to write numerous times in the last few months to write what I wanted to write, to share my wonderful and productive year. I haven’t been able to release any thoughts at all. I went back inside my shell to hide during this time.

I don’t think this helps. I’m not sure if it hurts. It is just the way I am. The pain is so deep and the loss is so overwhelming that I’ve lost my words. I haven’t the heart to tell you, until now, how much I feel for you.

It isn’t pity, because I’m so proud of you. It isn’t fear, because you are so strong. It isn’t worry, because I trust you so much. It isn’t sadness, because you are so shining and brilliant. I don’t think I feel anything ‘for’ you as much as I feel sad ‘with’ you. As you turn this cruel journey into the tender expedition of your life, I marvel at your ability and resolve.

My words are choked back just being near your hurt, but your words come singing through the dark and quiet of these places and explode like fireworks. You proclaim loudly the gift you have shared . You inspire me. I’m still crying for what you have to go through, but you inspire me.

I love you, baby sister!



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